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【TOP 50】Erma Bombeck Quotes - WhatsApp Status | Page-1

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When your mother asks,

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

Advice American Journalist

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say,

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me.

Action Editor's Pick inspirational Life And Death Quote of the Day

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

American Journalist

Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.

American Journalist

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

American Journalist Comedy

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

American Journalist

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

American Journalist Editor's Pick Funny Quote of the Day Short

Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.

Adults Graduation

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone? - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

American Journalist

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

American Journalist Automobile

The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going to drop? - Erma Bombeck Quotes

The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going to drop?

Bad

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food - Erma Bombeck Quotes

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

Food

For years [my wedding ring] has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

For years [my wedding ring] has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

When humor goes, there goes civilization. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

American Journalist Civilization

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.

American Journalist

No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.

You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

American Journalist Attitude

Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, it's unplanned, it's full of surprises. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, it's unplanned, it's full of surprises.

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television.

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

American Journalist

Never order food in excess of your body weight. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Never order food in excess of your body weight.

American Journalist Body

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

American Journalist

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend-and he's a priest. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend-and he's a priest.

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you? - Erma Bombeck Quotes

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

American Journalist

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

American Journalist Housework

Housework can kill you if done right - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Housework can kill you if done right

Funny

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.

American Journalist Books And Reading

On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.

American Journalist Beach

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

American Journalist

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

American Journalist Appearance

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

Never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Never have more children than you have car windows.

American Journalist Children

It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer:

It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: "THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE." Loosely translated, this means, "You're on your own, Bernice."

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

American Journalist Bed

I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying,

I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, "Never mind! I'll do it myself."

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

American Journalist Compassion

You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

American Journalist Food

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

American Journalist Child-raising Cute Funny

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered,

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids.

American Journalist

Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing

Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw.

When you're an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others - Erma Bombeck Quotes

When you're an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others

Have you any idea how many kids it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say,

Have you any idea how many kids it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, "What light?" and two more to say, "I didn't turn it on."

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

American Journalist Appearance

The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said,

The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?"

The grass is always greener over the septic tank. - Erma Bombeck Quotes

The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

Funny Quote of the Day

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